So, the other day I posted Darcy’s dental hygiene story, tweeted about it, and innocently went on my way to do all those things that don’t involve the Internet (daughter’s dance class, karate, and so on).
I returned later to do a little site maintenance and found 1, 455,987* spam comments all variations on this theme:
Suburban housewife Becky whitened her teeth using common household products and a garden rake! Find out how!
So. Yeah. I deleted them. And I know writing yet another post with the words “teeth” and “white” is like waving raw filet mignon in front of a hungry lion. But. Geek Girl comes equip with Akismet spam filter. In the time the site’s been live (nearly a year now), one or two comments have slipped through.
So, I say to you, teeth whitener spambots. Bring it on**.
Bring. It. On.
* I exaggerate. Sort of.
** I really need to download to my iPod and watch it sometime soon.
No, really. These opportunities are geographically specific. But if you meet the requirements, give it a go!
Keep in mind that a lot of opportunities are annual events, whether it’s a call for submissions, a contest, a grant, or workshop. So if you miss this year’s deadline, think of it as getting a jump start on next year. I’ve done this and it can work out very well.
For high school students living within 100 miles of St. Louis:
2010 Beverly Hopkins Memorial Poetry Contest for High School Students
First prize, $50. Second prize, $35.
First, second, third prize and honorable mention winners will be invited to perform their poems at The Annual Poetry Concert, May 16, 2010. Winning poems will be published in a chapbook available at the concert.
No entry fee. Eligible poets must be high school students living within 100 miles of St. Louis.
Pegasus, the literary journal at Abraham Baldwin Agricultural College, invites submissions of poetry, short fiction, creative nonfiction, and artwork for the upcoming spring 2010 issue. The submission deadline is January 31, 2010.
Pegasus is a regional journal, focused only on Georgia writers who are of high school age or who are freshman or sophomores in Georgia colleges. All other writers should query the editor, Jeff Newberry <jnewberry(at)abac.edu> (replace (at) with @), before sending any submissions. Past issues have included invited features by Mark Leidner, Janisee Ray, Patrick Phillips, and Amy Blackmarr.
Um, I HAVE AN EMBARRASSING STORY ABOUT THE DENTIST’S OFFICE. But, I also don’t think it’s fair for published authors to compete in writing contests on blogs (plus, I couldn’t get my story down to 500 words or less). Still, how often is one invited to talk about their really heinous dental debacles? So. Without further ado…
The following story is based on true events (except the parts that I totallly made up).
A tragedy in three acts
by Geek Girl Darcy
I blame it on my mother. All it took was one time passing out in gym class because I hadn’t eaten enough and she started watching my food intake like a hawk. And really, I get it. I know other girls have problems with that kind of stuff, but not me. I love food. And when I haven’t:
Lost my lunch card
Had a hair crisis to deal with before I could get on the school bus and
Skipped dinner the night before because I was at Tracy’s and her dad served tuna casserole (blech!) – when all those things don’t occur in that exact same order – I am a champion eater.
The other thing my mom is insane about is dental hygiene. I guess it’s because she had to get a bunch of her own teeth pulled. And yeah, I get that too. I brush. I floss. I even use that special rinse she bought. I don’t complain about going to the dentist twice a year for a check up and a cleaning. And I don’t complain (much) when I have to get a filling, mostly because our dentist is really nice and kind of cute (for an old guy who has his fingers in people’s mouths all day).
So there I was, not complaining, even though I had to get TWO fillings, and even though the first pain shot didn’t work so I had to get another one, then wait for it to kick in, and even though the whole dentist appointment thing was taking way too long. And I didn’t complain (much) when Mom insisted we stop by the Burger Hut to get a sandwich since I’d missed lunch at school. Like I said, I wasn’t complaining, even though my lips felt like giant balloons and I could not taste or even feel the fish sandwich I was shoving in my mouth. Complaining would have taken too much time and I was in a hurry to get to Brit Lit class.
I like reading almost as much as I like food but that’s not the reason I wanted to get to school. The reason was Marco. He was beautiful like a Michelangelo statue (except, you know, without the marble and with clothes on). Through an amazing twist of fate, Marco was scheduled to be my partner that day in class – and we were supposed to perform a scene from Romeo & Juliet.
I’d never thought I had a chance with him before but the way he’d looked at me the last few days when we practiced our lines made me think… maybe?
Mom pulled up in front of the school and I promised that, yes, I would brush my teeth before I went to class. Usually I hate breaking promises to my mother but really, who has time for dental hygiene when yon Marco awaits? I ran to class and when I entered the room, he smiled at me. Then a look of concern crossed his face. Awe, was he worried about me? This might go even better than I’d hoped.
We sat through Jack, Todd and Brian’s sword fighting scene then, even though it was out of order, our teacher called Marco and me to the front of the class. I climbed onto the step stool and we started delivering our lines. It was hard to remember them though.
I kept getting distracted because:
Really, Marco was just so hot.
And the way he looked at me – wow, like he was trying to peer into my soul or something.
When our scene ended he offered me his hand to help me down from the stool. I’d never believed all that tingling at the touch stuff you read in love stories, but I swear, it happened.
I kept stealing looks at him while our classmates performed the next two scenes, and each time I did, I found Marco staring back. That’s what gave me the courage to linger after class. Incredibly, Marco lingered too.
“Um, Julie?” he said.
I could tell he was nervous. It made him even cuter, if that was possible. I walked over to where he stood by the classroom door. He gave me that look again, the soul searching one, and I thought I might actually swoon. But I knew that if I did, my mom would be there pronto to whisk me off to an eating disorders clinic or something. Instead of swooning I stepped in close like all the teen magazines tell you to do.
“I was wondering if you-” he started.
I smiled up at his beautiful face. I didn’t care what he was wondering, the answer was: Yes! Yes! A thousand times, Yes!
“If you-” He actually blushed and pulled at the collar of his shirt. Adorable.
I was thinking we’d be just like Romeo and Juliet (except without the poison and death and the whole tragedy thing) when he spoke again, “I was wondering if you – knew you had a really big piece of sandwich stuck in your cheek?”
Okay. So totally WITH the whole tragedy thing. For never was a story of more woe than this of Julie, her crazy mother, two Novocain shots, a fish sandwich, Shakespeare – and her Marco.
I don’t know about all of you, but I just can’t resist a good cheerleader movie and Bring It On was one of the best. Imagine my surprise when I found out that there are more Bring It On movies — a lot more, enough to hold a cheertastic movie marathon with.
If only I had the time.
Wait! I’m on vacation next week. We’re supposed to leave the icy tundra known as northeast Indiana and head to Florida. Maybe instead I could pop a big bag of fat free popcorn, chill a case of Diet Pepsi, fire up the DVD player and…
Nah. I’ll see you guys in a week. Except for those of you at Naples High School. I’ll see YOU GUYS on Tuesday!
And for the rest of you, if you’d like to plan your own cheerific movie marathon, here’s all the info you’ll need:
One of my fondest memories growing up is visiting the library. We went every other week and left with gi-normous stacks of books, fingertips to chin stacks of books. This leads me to one of the guilty pleasures I have as an author: Visiting Worldcat.org-the world’s largest library catalogue.
And yes, predictably, I search on Geek Girl. Sure, it’s fun to see how many library systems Geek Girl is in, but what’s even more fun is seeing where she ends up.
So the other day I discovered that the National Library Board in Singapore has twenty four copies of The Geek Girl’s Guide to Cheerleading. Twenty four! In Singapore! Geek Girl is in New Zealand, too. (Hi, New Zealand!)
Geek Girl has also found her way into the Army Europe libraries. Once upon a time, I was stationed in Europe (more accurately, Germany) and I’m just tickled that Geek Girl now resides in a post library.
So, hello, Singapore, New Zealand, and the US Army Europe. And Geek Girl? Meet world.
Love zombies? We do. Which is why we’re all excited about Red Thursday today.
What is Red Thursday? Watch and learn:
That’s right! Today’s the day when Undead Much is available in stores and we’re helping Stacey Jay celebrate.
Even Zombie Settlers with Super Hot Boyfriends get the Blues…
A few months ago I was a normal girl with a normal life. But that was before my power to Settle the Undead returned and someone tried to kill me with zombies.
Now I work magic and practice kicking butt while trying to find time for pom squad and my boyfriend, Ethan, and trying NOT to think about how freaky my life has become. It can be tough. Still…things could be worse…
Oh yeah, right:
1. Feral new super-strong zombies. Check.
2. Undead psychic hottie predicting a zombie apocalypse. Check.
3. Earth-shattering secrets that could land me in Settler prison for life. Check.
4. Cheerleader vs. pom squad turf war threatening the end of the half time as we know it. Check.
I’m going to need therapy (and a cookie) if I live through the week. Unfortunately I’m learning that’s not something Zombie Queens can take for granted.
I’m dying to read this (but not in a zombie undead way). Head on over to Stacey’s blog to congratulate her and if you’re craving more zombies, don’t forget her site with Julie Linker: Zombies in Tiaras.