Win: And … we’re giving away a copy of Crowned and Disenchanted Princess–two books, two winners! All you need to do is leave a comment on this entry.
1. Stereotypes? Geek Girls don’t need no stinking stereotypes! And yet, they have a strange hold on us. If you had to label your high school self – what would your label be?
Band Geek. I was a complete and total Band Geek, and I’m not ashamed to admit it! (Now, anyway.)
Facebook prevents me from answering this question. Because thanks to its impressive social networking powers, the rival I want to write about has located me, knows where I live, and will very possibly read this interview. And then she (or he! I’m not saying it’s a girl!) would have written confirmation that we were, in fact, rivals.
Because, you see, we never actually admitted we were gunning for each other. We pretended we were friends. And we were friends, in a way, but there was always this one . . . thing hanging over us. A certain yearly competition similar to a certain sport that’s featured in a certain book that may or may not be advertised in the upper right hand corner of this website.
That’s all I can tell you. I’ve already said too much. But if I could say more, I’d probably mention that I totally kicked her/his butt Every. Single. Year.
And the fact that this still gives me sick pleasure is why I write young adult novels.
3. Does size matter … in tiaras, that is?
It’s not the size of the tiara that matters, it’s how you use it.
4. It’s a zombie apocalypse and you are trapped in the dressing room at a beauty pageant. Using only what you brought with you to the pageant, how will you defend yourself and ultimately save the world?
Am I trapped backstage with other beauty pageant contestants? Because if so, the good citizens of the world can rest easy-a mere handful of ticked-off beauty queens can take down an entire zombie army without so much as chipping a single French manicured acrylic nail.
Once you’ve walked across a brightly lit stage wearing nothing but a tiny bathing suit and five inch heels in front of hundreds of people, you’re not about to be intimidated by something as trivial as thousands of Undead corpses stumbling around trying to take over the world. Not to mention-and this is a very well-kept secret-Aqua Net is toxic to zombies.
That’s right-the hairspray that allowed your grandma’s beehive to defy gravity in the sixties, kept your mom’s Farrah flip “flipped” in the seventies, and blasted your bangs into perfect sky-scrapers of hair in the eighties, can also drop a zombie in its tracks.* More, if the wind direction is cooperating.
You see, Aqua Net is actually the brand name for “pehnolajilkankefafre,” a chemical that was developed by government scientists in a secret laboratory way back in the 1940′s. They were hoping it would be effective in combating an odd strain of were-chickens that had recently broken out near the Appalachian Mountains.
Unfortunately, however, the were-chickens proved to be both highly adaptable and highly vain. Within just a few days, the were-chickens wrestled control of pehnolajilkankefafre from the military and began using it to coif their feathers into elaborately arranged styles.
Devastated, the government sold the useless pehnolajilkankefafre to a fledgling cosmetic company for mere pennies. It wasn’t until the rise of “Hair Bands” in the 1980′s that they realized their mistake. Because as many of you already know, hair bands were comprised of zombies, not actual people.
Maintaining those glam locks required enormous amounts of hairspray, and night after night of inhaling the fumes . . . well, it finally just did them in.**
As soon as scientists pieced together what had happened, the government immediately ordered the makers of Aqua Net to increase its strength by one million percent, thereby making a single blast of the aerosol can fatal to the undead.
Which is why I, and the other pageant contestants trapped backstage, will simply grab our Aqua Net cans, kick off our stilettos and charge into the fray of zombies with nozzles primed and ready. The Zombie Apocalypse will be thwarted in a matter of minutes.
*Applicable to people who experienced at least part of their adolescence during years 1983 to 1989.
**Brett Michaels, lead singer of Poison, is the only zombie who survived the carnage. He is currently the star of a reality show on VH1.
5. Finally, what is the one interview question you wish people would ask you?
Is this the part where I talk about my fantasy where Oprah asks me how I got George Clooney to abandon his bachelor life and marry me?
Remember–leave a comment and you’ll be entered to win one of Julie’s books. Enter by Sunday night and we’ll post the winners on Monday, May 4th.